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PART IDEER ENERGY
Majestic antlers. Graceful eyes. The spirit of a woodland king.
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ILLUMINATED BEASTIARY / VOL. I ✷ THE REDISCOVERED CREATURE
DEER
LORD.
HALF DEER. HALF SNAIL.
NOT IN A HURRY.
Behold the Sneer. A majestic beast who has traversed centuries, fields, and approximately twelve feet.
A MEDIEVAL MYSTERY WITH MODERN DAY ZERO URGENCY.RATED0.2MILES / YEAR*
✥ ✶ THE SHELL IS THE DESTINATION ✶ ✥ ✶ THE SHELL IS THE DESTINATION ✶ ✥ ✶ THE SHELL IS THE DESTINATION ✶ ✥
FOLIO ITHE ORIGIN OF THE SNEER❧
In the ancient age before haste, there appeared a magnificent absurdity: a deer with all the elegance of the forest and all the velocity of a garden snail.
THE FOREST
WAS FAST.
HE WASN'T.
Modern internet photos of deer resting beside hay bales created a perfect optical illusion: deer heads, enormous snail-shell bodies. Medieval marginalia had imagined deer-snail hybrids long before. Naturally, we decided the creature deserved a ridiculous new legend.
SEE THE MODERN X POST ↗SEE HISTORICAL SNEER ART ↗
FIG. IUNOFFICIAL NATURAL HISTORY
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CERVUS GASTROPODUS*
CLASSABSOLUTE LEGEND
MOTTOWE'LL GET THERE
HABITATWHEREVER HE STOPPED
FOLIO IITHE ANATOMY OF AN ICON❧
BUILT DIFFERENT.
MOVES NO DIFFERENT.
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PART IISNAIL SPEED
A full-sized hay-bale shell. All the ambition of damp lettuce.
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PART IIIROYAL ATTITUDE
Has never rushed. Has never apologised. Knows you will wait.
FOLIO IIIFIELD NOTES FROM THE FOREST❧
RARE
SNEER
SIGHTINGS.
The Officially Unofficial Field Journal. Each page contains one highly questionable observation of the slowest legend ever witnessed.
FIELD NOTE NO. 001✷ CONFIRMED*
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LATEST REPORTED BEHAVIOUR
HE RACED A ROCK.
The rock won. The Sneer has requested a rematch next spring.
LOCATION: PROBABLY HERE DATE: EVENTUALLY
*Field notes are jokes generated on this page, not records of real animal sightings.
FOLIO IVA SPORTING OCCASION❧
THE GREAT
RACE.
One brave Sneer. One finish line. A concerning amount of time.
STARTFINISH ⚑
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RACE PROGRESS0.0%
HE IS CONSIDERING STARTING.
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THE ORDER OF THE SLOWTHE WORLD CAN
WAIT.
Why chase the future when you can carry your home into it?